SHIMIN
170194.
Monday, April 27, 2009
,
7:15 PM
i remember putting on a mask before going out of the house..
but somehow, my mask's gone... for so many times, i hold my tears back..
for so many times, i tell myself, not to think about it. i
mange to hold back my tears, i fake a smile, i fake a laugh..
but, it's hurting inside. i'm not sure how long i can maintain this way..
this happened 7months ago...
but this time, it hurts real deep.
i was still able to laugh, talk, eat like a human 7months ago after that incident.
but this time round, i can't. i talked less than 10words in a sentence.
i speaked less than 15sentence for the whole day.
all the smiles and laughter, all are fake. i just keep putting food into my mouth..
not really eating.. just for the sake to let others think that i'm fine..
i force myself to.... it's hard, it's tiring, but i have to do that to hide the real me.
i hide my fear.. fear of being alone.
there won't be anyone holding on to my hands in the crowd anymore..
there won't be anyone there to encourage me...
there won't be anyone there to comfort me when i'm really feeling down.
there won't be anyone sending me home.
there won't be anyone giving me a hug just to let me know, i miss you...
失去了才发现你有多好...
you wanted me to promise to keep in contact with you. i promised
and you said you really don't want lose contact. but, you aren't
texting me. when i text you, your reply was short.. really very short.
and this really hurts me alot, alot..
i had been waiting for your messages. my phone never leave my side.
just in case, you text me.. i waited for more than 5 hours.. not a single one..
i received so many messages.. but none are from you..
i thought i'll at least still be someone special, but i'm wrong.
i'm just a normal friend to you now.. or maybe even worst, a stranger,
or even a mistake. we agreed on being the best of friend. but i just
rememebered, there's only 1 best friend for everyone and that person
is not me and will never be me. Jason will always be your best friend.
i'm just... nobody...
i guess, what WL said was right...
loving someone doesn't means you must have that person.
as long as the one you love is happy, maybe letting go is
the best choice for that person... no matter how much i don't want
to let you go, for you, i turn my back around, let go of you, then dashed
away.. for i'm afraid you might see my tears...
就算有多不愿意，还是放你走了。。
因为爱你，所以必须让你开心。
只要你开心，什么都可以. 要我从此不再出现，也可以。。
time time round, you're really gone...
i look at the scar on the wrist...
it was caused by him after he left me.
i'm hoping.. there won't be another...
i'm hoping, i will be able to get use to my new life.
but, i fell sick on the very first day of my new life.
slight asthma in the morning, fever now..
Pathetic.
i thought that you still love me.
i thought that you still care for me.
i thought that i still stands a place in your heart.
but, i'm just lying to myself..
you're treating me so coldly now..
and this hurts.....
slight asthma in the morning and running fever now.
tsk tsk. pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.
Shimin, you're so pathetic!
you torn my heart apart..
it's bleeding, it's crying...
and you left me tearing...
why did you leave me?
why can't we start all over again?
why did we even end up this way?
people say, Love makes the world go round...
but why is it that Love is turning my world upside down?
i miss you....
i really miss you alot....
zhen de bu ke yi cong xin zai lai ma??
hao na guo.. cong lai mei zhe me nan guo...
maybe, love doesn't even exist...